Why I won't become a doctor

I'm not quite sure anybody (who isn't one) understands the sacrifices that stay-at-home-moms make. We leave behind adult conversations for crying and we ditch college for learning how to make baby food. It's not difficult work, but it is mentally challenging at times and it's quite stressful. Each day I crave the company of a person who can speak, or respond in some way to the words I'm saying. I have hobbies, and other moms are fine, but it's the school or work atmosphere I find myself desiring. I want to talk to adults who I have something in common with, I'm sick of talking to other moms about my labor, or what weight class our babies are in. I want to have an intellectual conversation with somebody that I like.

     A lot of people also don't seem to understand HOW much work a baby can be, it's a full time job in the least, instead of an 8 hour day, I'm working 16-24 hours doing everything I can for someone who won't ever thank me for it. I do what's expected of me and much, much more, but I'll never get a raise, I'll never be promoted. To Charles-Winston (my boss), my dreams and aspirations don't matter, he couldn't care less about what my life was like before him, or what it would've been without him.

     I enjoy being a mom, don't get me wrong, it's my favorite thing in the world. And I would miss Charles-Winston horribly if I had to get a job. I understand that all the things I want in life cannot coexist. But these things need to be said. It's not all rainbows and butterflies, and intelligent women who could've changed the world are at home with their babies because of the unconditional love we feel.

     I wanted to be a doctor, I could've gone to college, I could've had a career and a fat paycheck with a nice car; instead I'm being puked on every few minutes and keeping track of someone else's pooping schedule. Which would've also happened if I were a doctor, so I suppose it isn't unfair.

     The problem with everything I previously mentioned, is that knowing what I know now and given the choice to go back in time to change it all, to not have a baby at 18 and marry a boy I'd met exactly one year perviously; now I know what I would've been missing. 

     My small family is filled with more love than I could've ever expected to feel otherwise, my amazing husband and I have now been married for 9 months, had a baby for 5 months and though they've been extremely difficult times, I can't imagine anyone I'd rather suffer alongside. Every second of my day is filled with unparalleled joy and excitement, I get to watch something I made conquer mountains and overcome handicaps that I can't imagine anyone my age doing. Charles-Winston is the most sincere, loving, funny (every other positive adjective) person I know.

     I know I left a life behind me, but I'm too relieved to grieve.

Rolling maniac / Big personality

Lately Charles-Winston has been rolling all over the place, he's an unstoppable force of nature. Earlier this morning Benjamin left him in the middle of the couch while he ran to go get some wipes and Charles-Winston ended up 3 feet away and 90 degrees different than when Benjamin had left him a few seconds earlier. (Of course if I'd been around, he would've been on the floor not the couch, but men...)

     If we leave him in his car seat unbuckled, he'll roll all the way around until he's on his belly if we let him. Same with anything else, in his crib, in his bumbo, rocker, swing, everything. He rolls over no matter where he is or what form of seat he's in. 

     This kid is hilarious, I swear it's because he knows we don't want him to roll around, he gives this little diabolical grin every time he successfully gets into a position we have to pull him out of. Looks something like this:

In other news, he's extremely chatty. He's one of the most talkative people I've ever met and he can't even form words! All he does is make noise and more noise and then if he feels like we're ignoring him, he starts to yell at the top of his lungs and he gets frustrated and starts huffing and breathing heavily. Charles-Winston has more personality than most adults I know; he's so shy when you first meet him, he'll hide his face in my hair, but after a few minutes he's talking and smiling and laughing at you, he might even be yelling or screaming at you. 

     He's so hilarious and it's the little quirks like this that make me wonder how I could've ever lived without him. The small things like hearing him laugh, or seeing his "evil" grin when he thinks he's won make every sleepless night, and every outfit change and every week without showering, he makes it all worth it.