I've been thinking about having another baby. Not "have" myself since Charles-Winston's conception was extraordinarily painful and only proceeded to get worse until he was two weeks old. (I'll start with the cons so that this post ends on a positive note.)
Adopting a baby is expensive and I have no money. I have a deep seeded fear that either the new kid, or Charles-Winston would be cuter and there is no way of fixing that. How could I ever love someone as much as I love the baby I already have? If Benjamin and I had to deal with a newborn again we'd probably die in some horrible suicide-homicide and drop the baby -that we supposedly paid a ton of money for- off at a government facility to be cared for. I might not bond with the adopted baby as well as I bonded with Charles-Winston. The newcomer might grow to resent me or claim that I'm biased towards Charles-Winston because we won't be bonded by blood. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS THAT COULD GO WRONG.
Some reasons I would do it include, but are not limited to: I don't want to have an only child. I don't want to have that small of a family. Benjamin wants a girl (heaven knows why). I feel like my family needs to grow. I love children/being a mother. A puppy is not enough to satiate my instinct to care for something. And though it seems cliche I have so much love to give.
Now these lists could go on and on, but frankly I'm sick of this topic and obviously it's not getting anywhere, just as soon as one side advances, the other side sends in reinforcements and the battle will never be over. But, I've got a long time to think it over, it's just been on my mind lately.
No comments:
Post a Comment